Saturday, February 25, 2012

What Now?

*Each line of the post has a different person in mind...*

You push me down.
I get back up and say, "What now?".
You trample on me.
I get back up and say, "What now?".
You come into my life.
I fall in love with you.
You break my heart.
I pick up its shattered pieces and glue them back together.
I look up and say, "What now?".
You call me fat.
I laugh and say, "What now?".
You say I'll never be good enough.
I say, "What now?".
You compete with me and think that you'll win.
I beat you every time and say, "What now?".
You make fun of me.
You point me out because of medical problems.
You make me feel so small.
You hurt my family.
You kick me to the ground and hold me there.
I wrestle free and say, "What now?".
You don't understand what you can never keep me down.
I smile and say, "What now?".

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?"
Psalm 56: 3-4

I Know, But I Don't

Two years. 730 days. 17520 hours.
On January 27, 2012, I reached the two-year mark of our short-lived relationship.
I don't remember a lot of it.
I know we went out, but I don't know why.
I know he gave the best massages, but I can't remember the way they felt.
I know he broke my heart, but I can't remember the raw emotion I was feeling.
I know that he loved me and that he hurt me a lot.
I also know that on January 27, 2010, I was completely in love with him.
And I know that on January 27, 2012, I felt absolutely nothing for him.
I tried to read some of the letters he wrote to me, but I couldn't.
Because I don't want to remember how it felt.
I don't want to remember him.